(If I Saw You) In Heaven
by ElisaCollette
Summary: Loving spouse, adorable children, excellent and fulfilling careers, beautiful home. Beca and Chloe have it all in a fast-paced, toddler-filled life. With three little girls at home and one on the way, one unforeseen incident threatens their balance and recolors their world. Bechloe with heavy involvement from Stacie, Emily, Aubrey, and Jesse.
1. Even Though It All Went Wrong

Wow. I have not posted anything in a long time - and it's been even longer since I posted for Pitch Perfect. This is a short (three-chapter) story set in the same universe as my other Pitch Perfect stories. It comes after They'll Learn Much More Than I'll Ever Know and before Beautiful Tree. This situation in this story is described in passing in the last chapter of Beautiful Tree, but never given much detail. It can be read on its own - but if you want more context, please visit those stories.

Warning: This story is sad. I usually do (what I'm told is) a fair job at mixing humor into my tragedy. This story will have humor - but the first chapter doesn't have much room for it. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been a long time - so I'm not sure if anyone who was reading my previous stories is still reading - but I would love to hear from old readers (and new). Please share your thoughts.

Chapter 1 - Even Though It All Went Wrong

 _"And even though it all went wrong_  
 _I'll stand before the lord of song_  
 _With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah."_

 _~ Halleluiah by Leonard Cohen_

Beca woke a bit after two in the morning, keeping her eyes closed for a moment while she listened for what had woken her. The soft sounds that came over the baby monitor were from Vera. Chloe would go – she always offered – but Beca felt it was silly to wake her wife when she was already awake – and she usually woke first when they cried or fussed. And part of her – a small, selfish part that she didn't acknowledge or allow often – liked when she was the one her babies needed. She crept from bed and into Vera's nursery, lifting the eighteen-month-old child carefully from her crib. She wasn't fussing so much as cooing. She was awake – and she was delighted now to see that Beca was awake too. The baby's intelligent blue eyes twinkled and she giggled as she was snuggled into her mother's arms. Beca sank into the heavily cushioned glider and pulled up her feet to the ottoman, positioning Vera so they were both comfortable.

"Your timing is off, little love," Beca told her in a doting voice. But she situated herself to feed the child anyway – they were both awake, what was the harm? Vera wasn't terribly hungry – she played more than drank – but eventually, with enough milk, the steady rocking, and Beca's soft singing – her eyes began to droop again. Placing the child back in her crib, Beca crept back into her bedroom. She intended to go right to bed, but pregnancy bladder struck – so she hurried to the master bath instead.

As soon as she sat down, she felt something go very wrong. Pain shot through her back and abdomen and blood spilled from between her legs. "Chloe!" Her voice was loud – louder than she intended – it could have woken the twins. But she was scared – and her tone rang with that terror. This was more blood than she knew how to comprehend. Her wife stumbled into the bathroom, bleary-eyed and alarmed.

"Beca?" She saw the blood before Beca needed to explain. "It's okay," she soothed, though it very clearly wasn't. She grabbed her phone and called Aubrey, asking one of the Swansons to get there as soon as possible. Then she called Stacie, who answered as though she had been wide awake.

"Stacie?"

"Chloe, what's up?"

"Beca's bleeding – really badly."

"Period amount?"

"More," Chloe answered in a tight voice, clearly trying not to panic.

"Okay," Stacy said. "Keep her calm – get her to the hospital. I will meet you there – ER entrance. If you pull up, they'll help you. Call Aubrey or CR to stay with the kids."

"Jesse is on his way," Chloe told her. "We'll leave as soon as he gets here." She hung up and turned back to her wife, who was still sitting on the toilet, sobbing softly into her hands. She rubbed Beca's back gently. "Sweetie – it's okay. We don't know anything yet – we don't know."

"Yes we do," Beca told her mournfully. Her tears dried up quickly – oddly so – in Chloe's opinion. She suddenly became very concerned about the mess. "Can you help me get cleaned up?" She asked.

"I don't think you should move too much," Chloe told her.

"Chlo, she's already gone," she said softly. Chloe nodded, her eyes pricking with tears at the finality of the words. But she bit her lip to stop the crying and went to the closet and pulled out a basket full of soft and old – but clean – rags.

"We can just throw them away," Chloe told her. Beca nodded. Pulling the lined garbage can closer, Chloe used the rags and warm water from the tub to help her clean up as best she could. The blood was still coming – too fast for even a heavy-duty pad.

"Just take a few towels for the car," Beca suggested.

"Who cares about the fucking car?' Chloe demanded. Then she broke, tears coming as she saw the look of anguish on her wife's face. "I'm so sorry – Bec. I didn't mean it that way – I just can't believe – "

"I know," Beca responded sadly. She felt her eyes closing. Her hands shook as she clutched her knees. "Chloe? I'm really tired."

"I know, sweetie. But I need you to stay awake. We're going to get you some help – really soon." Just then, Jesse hurried into the room and took in the macabre tableau. He didn't hesitate.

"My car is still running and sitting out front – it'll be faster to take that. I'll carry her to the car." Beca didn't argue – she didn't have the energy to make it down the stairs anyway. Despite the ineffective pad, she pulled up her underpants anyway, grabbing several towels as Jesse lifted her, bridal style, into the air. She fell slack against him and didn't notice Chloe's quick movements to grab their purses – pull on a pair of jeans – and locate the bag they'd already packed for a very different trip to the hospital.

Chloe drove carefully, but quickly – and with the time being what it was, they hit no traffic. By the time they reached the ER, Beca could barely keep her eyes open, let alone help get herself out of the car. She was barely cognizant that two nurses were helping her onto a gurney. Then Stacie's voice was coming from the ceiling. No. That wasn't right. She was staring at the ceiling – Stacie's voice was coming from above her. She must have been walking with the gurney.

"Stace?" Beca tried to speak, but the word slurred.

"Hey, sweetie," Stacie said, reaching for her hand. "We're going to take good care of you – just close your eyes." Beca did, finally allowing the exhaustion to take over.

Emily had been staying with Stacie that week – she'd been in town for a recording session with Beca. A recording session that has been scheduled to start in a few short hours. The doctor had thought quickly and clearly enough to bring her to the hospital. She looked bleary eyed and shaky, but she was there. Chloe was thankful for her presence as she was relegated to a waiting room. Emily hugged her and sat with her, offering the words they both knew were false comfort – but that were craved anyway. It took barely five minutes before Stacy joined them. She was in scrubs and tennis shoes now and she walked in with a nurse and knelt immediately in front of Chloe.

"Chloe – I'm so sorry. The baby is gone."

Chloe nodded; Beca had been pretty sure of that. It wasn't a shock so much as a painful confirmation of what she already knew in her aching heart.

"Chlo, we can't get the bleeding to stop. We have to remove the baby. But we also need to do a partial hysterectomy."

"Beca won't like that," Chloe said with a shake of her head. "She wants more kids. We want more kids."

"I know," Stacy said soothingly. Her tone tightened. She clearly didn't like what she was saying – but it was the cold, hard truth. "But if we don't do this – she won't be here with you to find a way to make that happen." Chloe blanched.

"She could die?"

Stacy didn't blink and her expression remained stoic but empathetic. "She's lost a lot of blood. And it's not stopping. Once we do the procedure, it will. But we have to do it."

"So it's the only choice."

"It's the only chance Beca has." Chloe nodded. She signed the papers that the nurse handed to her and grabbed Stacy's wrist as she was about to leave.

"You bring her back to me."

"I will do everything I can – but I need to do it now." Chloe let go and Stacy disappeared, leaving them to wait again.

* * *

The surgery didn't take a terribly long time, but it had been messy. Emergency surgeries usually were. Stacy quickly threw her soiled clothing into a bin in the locker room and jumped into the shower just long enough to rinse off the feeling of so much blood. It hadn't actually touched her skin, but the visualization of so much blood was enough to make her feel gross. She dressed again in street clothes and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She had sent a nurse ahead of her to tell Chloe and Emily that the procedure was over – and that she would be with them momentarily.

When she reached the waiting room, Chloe was perched on the end of her seat, watching for her. She jumped up as soon as Stacy appeared. Stacy hugged her. "She's going to be fine," she promised. Chloe pulled away so their eyes met.

"When can I see her?"

"She's in recovery right now – when she wakes up and they make sure she's stable; they'll move her to a room. Then you can see her." Chloe nodded. Her watery blue eyes looked directly into Stacy's.

"She's alone right now?"

"No," Stacy promised. "No. There's a recovery nurse with her. She's not alone."

Chloe still looked panicked. "How do I tell her? Oh my god," she sobbed. "She's going to be devastated."

Stacy gently rubbed her back. "Eventually, she'll understand," she promised. "It was the only option."

The next few hours were painful. Chloe was in no condition to make phone calls, so Stacie had the awkward and awful task of contacting Jesse, Aubrey, and Beca's dad, and Chloe's parents. Then she joined Chloe and Emily to wait for Beca to wake up. She was almost asleep on the sofa in the corner when the tiny brunette started to stir. It was Chloe, sitting in a chair next to the bed and holding her hand, who made a loud enough noise to rouse Stacie. The young doctor moved to sit on the bed behind Chloe's chair and they waited.

When Beca's eyes finally opened, they searched for and found Chloe immediately. She saw Chloe's tear stained cheeks and her own eyes filled. A hand came up to cover her mouth and she turned her face away from them as the morose, pain-filled sobbing began.

Stacie and Emily crept from the room to give them a bit of privacy – and waited nearby in the hallway. Emily paced, pulling at the finished edge of her navy sweater that was decorated in a pattern of hearts. "Does this happen a lot?"

"With Beca?" Stacie asked, her eyebrows drawn quizzically together, not quite understanding what the younger woman was referring to. She was working on much less sleep than was advisable. She needed to fix that soon, or she wouldn't be good to anyone.

"With people who are pregnant," Emily responded. Stacie saw then that the fear she'd picked out in Emily's expression was not just for Beca.

Stacie expression softened and she shook her head. "Not this far into a pregnancy. The percentage is low. Less than half a percent after 20 weeks. It's not normal."

"What happened?"

Stacie shrugged and pursed her lips while she considered the question.

"We don't usually know. They'll do an autopsy – there could possibly be a genetic reason. But in most miscarriages, we don't ever know why." Emily didn't have an answer to that. She stopped asking questions and started pacing again. Stacie leaned tiredly against the wall and closed her eyes, waiting.

They had only been waiting for twenty minutes when a nurse found them. "Dr. Conrad?" Stacie opened her eyes and stood up straight, trying to look more like the commensurate professional and less like someone who had three hours of sleep and surgery on a friend under her belt. "Mrs. Beale is asking for you." Stacie nodded.

"You might want to wait out here," she suggested as she gave Emily a reassuring hug. Emily nodded and pointed to the nearest waiting room. She headed that direction while Stacie walked slowly back to the hospital room that contained Beca and Chloe.

She knocked on the doorframe and waited until both women looked up before entering the room and closing the door behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward to hug Beca, who looked thoroughly devastated. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Eventually, Beca pulled away and sat back against the pillows. She wiped at her eyes, which were painfully swollen from crying. "Chloe said there's something else that happened." Stacie looked at Chloe, who couldn't - or wouldn't – meet her eye. Tears began streaming down her cheeks again and Beca looked at her before turning back to Stacie, her expression begging for answers.

Stacie took a deep breath and sighed. "Beca, when you came in, the baby was already gone. There was nothing to be done. But we couldn't get the bleeding stopped. We didn't have any options – we did a partial hysterectomy. I'm so sorry – I wish there was something else – "

Beca shook her head. "It's not your fault," she said, her words choked by tears. "Please, don't apologize." Her hand flew to her mouth, trying in vain to hold in some of the pain and agony that was pouring from her. She sobbed so hard that Stacie grabbed for the emesis basin, getting in front of her just in time. Beca vomited violently, holding her abdomen, which she now realized hurt like hell.

A nurse hurried in and took the basin from Stacie and then helped Beca rinse her mouth and lay back carefully. "Do you need anything right now?" The nurse asked.

"Um," Beca said, blinking back tears. "I just noticed," she said shakily. "That I am in pain. A lot of pain, actually."

The nurse looked at Stacie, who sat down again in front of Beca. "How much pain and where?" Beca did her best to describe it. Stacie nodded and looked at the nurse. "We can use a stronger dose of morphine today," she told the nurse, who left to fetch the medication. The nurse brought back the medicine cart and Stacie had to stand to plug her credentials and the order into the computer. Once the morphine had been administered, Beca allowed herself to be laid back in bed, reclined with fewer pillows.

"If you need anything at all, just push the button," the nurse told her. "Otherwise, I'll be back to check on you in about an hour." Beca nodded.

"Is it kicking in yet?" Stacie asked. Beca nodded. Once she was sleeping, Stacie turned to focus on Chloe, who looked far too pale and was visibly shaking. "Chloe, I think you need to lay down for a little bit. Come on, you can use the recliner," she said, nodding to the comfortable chair on Beca's other side. She stood and tried to draw the other woman up with her, but Chloe shook her head.

"No. No," she said shakily.

"You're not going anywhere. You can still see her. And I promise, Beca will be sleeping for a few hours with the pain meds she just had. So, let's take care of you for a few minutes, okay?" Chloe allowed Stacie to move her and did try to relax in the reclined chair. Eventually, exhaustion won over and she fell asleep.

* * *

When Beca woke a few hours later, she was insistent that she see the baby. The nurse was trying to talk her out of it, as gently and politely as possible. There were two very different schools of thought on mothers seeing their deceased infants; the nurse fell into the pool of people who thought it would be too disturbing. Stacie, returning to the room, set her coffee aside and told the nurse she would take over.

"Honey, what's going on?"

"I want to see my baby," Beca said, stubbornly. She had the same expression that she usually wore just before she got exactly what she wanted.

Stacie pursed her lips. "I need you to really think about what you're asking. Are you sure this is what you want?"

Beca nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks. She swatted at them and wrapped her arms around herself. "Yeah. I need to."

"Okay," Stacie said softly. "I'll take care of it. It will be a while. But I'll get her up here."

It took over two hours, but Stacie and the charge nurse arranged it. The charge nurse had gone down to the morgue herself and came back with the rolling bassinet, the form inside swaddled snugly in in a soft pink blanket and knit hat. When she entered the hospital room, Stacie thanked her and took the bassinet before closing the door. She carefully lifted the tiny body and carried her to the bed. Beca let out a horrible sound somewhere between a sob and a whimper. She composed herself quickly, given the circumstances.

She carefully accepted the not-yet-stiff form of the infant and cradled her, identically to how she would have in several months - in much better circumstances. Chloe had decided that she couldn't handle this stark reality, so she had gone for a walk with Aubrey, who had arrived just an hour before. Emily had gone back to the Beale-Mitchell household to nap and then help Jesse and the nanny with the five assembled children.

Stacie could think of many placed she'd rather be, but she couldn't leave Beca alone, so she sat and remained silent as Beca studied the tiny face of her lost child. The baby had been as gorgeous as the first three. If only her skin was pinker and a bit warmer, she would have looked like she was sleeping. After twenty minutes of silence, Beca looked at Stacie.

"I need a few minutes."

Stacie nodded and stood, leaning over to press a kiss to her friend's temple. "I'll be right outside if you need me." She left and closed the door gently, walking into the hallway. She paced and performed several breathing exercises, trying to maintain her composure. She dealt with this often enough. More often than anyone should have to. But this hit much, much too close to home. She was wrapped up in her own head and almost walked directly into Jesse.

"Hey," he said, his hands catching her before they collided.

"Hey," she said softly. "I thought you were with the kids."

He shrugged. "Two nannies and Emily. I just wanted to check on Beca and Chloe." His eyes moved toward the correct room.

Stacie cleared her throat. "Chloe's with Aubrey – talking a walk to get some air. Beca has the baby."

"Oh," he said uncomfortably. "I didn't know. That's a thing?"

Stacie nodded. "It depends on the mother – what she wants. And hospital policy. We allow it if it's requested by the parents. Sometimes it helps with closure."

"Wow," Jesse said, releasing a deep breath and shifting uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Stacie agreed solemnly. They moved to stand against the wall outside Beca's room and kept one another silent company. After several minutes, they both stiffened at the same moment when they heard Beca begin singing. Stacie broke then, covering her mouth as she sobbed. She turned away, but Jesse closed the distance, pulled her into a hug, and let her cry.

Once she calmed down, Stacie excused herself to the closest restroom to wash her face. She steeled herself before exiting again. Chloe and Aubrey were back – standing with Jesse. Stacie walked up to the redhead and put a hand on her arm. "Are you sure?" She asked her.

Chloe nodded, her expression falling again. "I know it makes me a bad mom – but I just can't do it. I can't see her like that."

"That does not make you a bad mom," Stacie told her firmly, squeezing her hand. "Everyone deals in their own way." She sighed. "Why don't you and Aubrey go wait down the hall? I'll come and get you in a bit."

Chloe knew she meant that she was going back inside – and didn't want Chloe to accidentally see the baby if she didn't want to. The two women walked toward the waiting room and Jesse reluctantly followed. Stacie took a deep breath before letting herself back into the room.

Beca was still holding the baby, gazing down at her. "She's so small," Beca said when she realized she wasn't alone.

"She should have had almost three more months to grow," Stacie reminded her.

"Otherwise, she looks perfect," the brunette whispered.

"I know," Stacie answered.

"When do I have to give her back?"

"When you're ready," Stacie said, biting the inside of her cheek to stop the flood of tears that wanted to come.

"I don't think I can be ready for this," Beca said, hugging the infant to her chest as her sobs started again.

Stacie joined her on the bed, rubbing her back soothingly. "I know, honey. I know." She put an arm around her friend and held her while she cried. An hour later, after sitting mostly in silence, Beca was struggling to stay awake. "You need to sleep," Stacie told her gently.

"I can't," Beca said, gazing down at the baby. "I can't give her up."

"You have three other babies – and a wife – who all need you. You can do this." Eventually, Beca shifted and took several deep breaths before gently kissing the infant and carefully handing her back to Stacie. Stacie took the bundle in her arms. "I'll be right back," she promised. She returned the infant to the morgue, carrying her instead of utilizing the bassinet again. She shuttered as she handed the child back to the head nurse in the morgue.

When she returned to the maternity ward, Chloe was back inside the room, this time on the bed, holding Beca while she slept. Stacie peered in, then walked wearily to the waiting room.

"You need to sleep," Aubrey said, the moment she laid eyes on Stacie.

The brunette nodded. "I think Emily has my car."

"I'll take you," Jesse said.

Stacie look at Aubrey. "I'll be back soon. If they need anything – "

"They are in a hospital full of people who can help them until you get a full night's rest," Aubrey responded. Stacie sighed and pursed her lips. She followed Jesse to the parking garage and promptly fell asleep as soon as he began driving towards her home. She woke long enough to get herself inside and into bed.

* * *

Thank you for reading. It's a heavy topic, so I don't think the word "enjoy" is where you go with this - but I hope that you (enjoyed) reading this - and I would love to hear from you. The second chapter should be up by mid to late this week (by Friday at the latest).


	2. Beauty From Pain

Chapter 2 – Beauty From Pain

" _After all this has passed, I still will remain_

 _After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain."_

 _~Superchick_

* * *

Stacie finally allowed Beca to go home after five days in the hospital. Her brain had been fuzzy-feeling from the beginning of the ordeal – partly from the trauma of the situation and partly because of the anxiety and pain medication she'd been given. So Beca hadn't really taken the time or effort to consider the details of what awaited her at home. She was not mentally or emotionally prepared in the least. The twins came running when they heard the door – and launched themselves at their parents. Beca caught Poppy before she crash-landed, wincing at the pain. She hugged the child. "Mama's home!" Bella hugged Chloe and then quickly joined her sister to rejoice that Beca was home. They had not liked the past days without Beca – and with very little contact with Chloe.

"Hi, pretty girls," Beca said, finally succumbing to her first instinct and lowering herself to the floor, sitting cross-legged. It hurt to sit up straight, but she could do it for a few minutes. "Were you good for Uncle Jesse and Aunt Aubrey?"

"Yes!" They both cried. Poppy happily crawled into Beca's lap now that it was available. Bella did too, poking Beca in the flatter stomach.

"Baby?" She asked. They had been trying to prepare the twins for another baby, so they had never been anything but honest, telling them there was a baby in Beca's belly.

"No," Beca told her calmly, forcing herself to take deep breaths. "No baby." Bella looked around the room, investigating all of the adults.

"Baby come home?"

"No," Beca said, her voice still eerily calm. "No new baby." She hugged both twins close. "Just the three babies I already have." She swallowed her pain – acknowledging it was not as important as remaining calm in front of her little girls. They wouldn't understand her grief – it would only frighten them. She needed a subject change; that wasn't difficult with toddlers. "Where is Vera?"

"Having a nap," Poppy said, squeezing out from Beca's embrace. "Vera has a bottle." Beca nodded. Poppy had been extremely emotional– bordering on angry – when she had been refused, a little after her second birthday, both Beca's breast and a bottle. And the fact that Vera was still breastfeeding? Poppy was occasionally still jealous over what she saw as the audacity of that arrangement. But Beca had enough – or at least her breasts had – and she had cut off the twins well before she'd become pregnant for the third time.

"Poppy, Bella – go and get your new toys to show to your moms," Aubrey said. The little girls scrambled toward the playroom and Beca turned to look at the blonde.

"New toys?" she asked, eyebrow arched. Although she and Chloe were not hurting for money in the least, they didn't spoil their daughters when they could help it.

Aubrey shrugged. "They missed you. They stopped asking for you for a whole twenty minutes after we gave them a new toy. We did it a few times."

"Totally worth it," Jesse told her cheerfully. Beca reached up a hand and Jesse helped her carefully to her feet. She walked to the sofa and sat down in a reclined position, Jesse arranging pillows to support her in the least painful position. She sighed as she settled in and closed her eyes.

"How long before they forget?" She asked, to no one and everyone.

"I'm so sorry, Beca," Aubrey said. "We should have thought to talk to them…"

"There was nothing you could have said to them that would have made it any better," Beca answered, effectively shutting down the apology. "They won't understand. They shouldn't have to."

It was silent in the room until the girls returned with several items each – books, coloring books, stuffed animals, and several new doll outfits. They were delighted – and wanted to show Beca and Chloe each and every thing.

"What do you say to Aunt Aubrey?" Chloe asked, once they finished.

"We said thank you already, mommy," Poppy promised.

"It's okay sometimes to say it more than once," Beca told her, winking.

"Thank you Aunt Aubrey and Uncle Jesse!" Both toddlers ran to give them hugs, which they accepted. Bella yawned as Jesse raised her into his arms and rested her on his hip.

"What time did you girls wake up?" Beca asked, eyeing them carefully. Poppy was now rubbing her eyes.

"Five," Aubrey answered.

"I'm going upstairs to read," Beca said softly. She looked at both girls. "Come read with me?" Beca eased herself back into a sitting position and stood, ignoring the agony in her body. Bella took her hand immediately once Jesse released her to the floor. Poppy began whining.

"I don't wanna go upstairs…"

"Poppy," Chloe said warningly, but Beca shook her head slightly. She started walking, Bella beside her. Once Poppy realized they were indeed leaving without her, she rushed to catch up. Beca took her hand as they mounted the stairs. She grabbed a few of their favorite books and crawled into her own bed, allowing them up with her. Luckily, they could boost themselves up onto the big bed – because there was no way Beca could lift them.

She lay down, sighing as she realized how exhausted she was. She read to them through three picture books, then set them aside, curling under the blankets. Bella was asleep almost instantly, curled against Beca's side, once there was no more story to hear. Poppy looked about to protest again, so Beca pulled her in closer and began humming. She sang Poppy's current favorite lullaby – _St. Judy's Comet_. It only took the one song before she also drifted off. Beca barely had time to be grateful before she also fell to sleep.

When she woke, she was alone. In bed, at least. The twins were nowhere to be found and the shift in light from the window indicated a later time of day. Emily was sitting in the corner of the bedroom in an armchair, a thick textbook in her lap and a highlighter in her hand. "Em?" Emily looked up.

"Hi," she said, her tone and expression more reserved than was normal for Emily. "How are you feeling?"

Beca sighed. "Very sore and stiff. I think I need help getting up."

Emily walked over to her and put her hands behind Beca's back, helping her to sit without using her abdominal muscles too much. "Oh, fuck," Beca muttered, once she was sitting up. "I should have listened to Stacie and slept in the recliner."

"Sometimes doctors do know stuff," Emily said with a nod and a teasing smile.

Beca rolled her eyes. "I can't listen to everything Stacie says. Her head would get too big." Emily's smile brightened. It was nice that Beca was teasing again. It meant that she was – slowly but surely – on her way back to being herself. The whole event had – visibly – shaken Emily. There was just no one with enough time or energy to notice that she was quieter, less cheerful, and far more contemplative than usual.

Beca reached for Emily's arm and, once it was offered, took it and pulled herself up. She tentatively moved a few steps forward and eventually let go, walking into the bathroom. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Call if you need something. I'll get Chloe," Emily offered.

"God forbid the day I can't go to the bathroom myself!" Beca told her through the door. Emily fixed the bedclothes and then paced the room while she waited for Beca to return. When she did, she looked slightly better – a pinker, healthier complexion. "What is my wife making for dinner and how do I get some?"

Emily laughed. "Chicken stew. And I think she was going to bring some up." Beca shook her head.

"I can go down." She walked with Emily to the staircase and the taller woman helped her down to the living room and then into the kitchen. Emily made sure she reached her destination and then disappeared back up the stairs to the guest bedroom where she was staying. She had tons to catch up on – she'd planned on having a lot more time to work on her dissertation.

Chloe was working over the stove while music played over the kitchen sound system. No children in sight. "Hi," Beca said, walking up to her wife. Chloe kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Good afternoon, sunshine. How are you feeling?"

"Stiff and sore."

"Did you hear what Stacie said about maybe sleeping in the recliner for a day or two? Or at least napping there?" Beca groaned.

"I already explained to Legacy why we can't always listen to what Stacie says."

Chloe smiled, her eyes full of mirth. "Why, because you like to think you know better?"

"If you know the answer, why do you ask?" Beca responded.

Chloe laughed. "You seem like you're feeling a little better. Why don't you go sit in the recliner? I'll bring dinner out there – we can live dangerously and eat over the carpet."

Beca smirked. "Ok, Annie Oakley. Live dangerously. Speaking of likely spills – where are our children?" Chloe looked around with a teasing curiosity, peaking behind the island counter.

"Hm. I thought something was missing," she said simply.

"Chloe," Beca, pretending to be annoyed. Her wife flashed a dazzling, teasing smile in her direction.

"Jessie took our girls and his boys to the park. Aubrey had to go do something for work."

"You let Jesse go alone with all three of them? He doesn't have enough arms for that," Beca objected.

"Abby is with him," Chloe told her, mentioning their part-time nanny. "They'll be fine – and they'll be back soon. Go into the living room. Scoot." She swatted at Beca, who rolled her eyes and did as she was told. She settled into the recliner and pulled her phone and earbuds from her pocket.

* * *

Two days later, Beca found herself dressing for a funeral. She worked thin silk stockings over her legs and pulled them carefully up. The control-top high waist sucked in the last bit of bump that even suggested she had been pregnant. She stepped into a black A-line dress covered in an overlay of delicate black lace. Braiding the sides of her hair into a crown, she curled the rest and ran her fingers through them, loosening them. She did her makeup, expertly covering the circles from poor sleep.

She picked up her purse and shoes and carried them down the stairs to the kitchen. Chloe was also dressed in black – hers with a boat neck, full skirt, and belt at the waist. She was walking around the kitchen in her stocking feet, getting breakfast for the twins and Vera. Vera was already enjoying yogurt, banana, and cheerios from her high chair. With her fingers and an expression of devious delight. Beck dropped a kiss on her head but stepped back quickly enough to avoid her sticky fingers.

The twins were waiting – with obviously painful patience – for Chloe to present them with breakfast. She placed bowls of yogurt, fruit, and granola in front of them both and set out a bowl for herself – and one for Beca.

"Thank you," Beca said, sitting down at her place.

"Mama!" Poppy cried.

"Good morning," Beca told her. "Eat your breakfast, love." The little girls did, chattering away to one another as they did.

"Abby will be here in a few minutes," Chloe told her. "And Jesse is picking us up."

"Legacy?"

"She stayed with Stacie last night," Chloe reminded her. "After they picked up Benji from the airport at dinnertime."

Beca nodded – she knew she had already been told that information. She felt quite numb and detached as she watched the day unfold before her. They went to the funeral home and sat through a short viewing. Her dad was there with Sheila, Chloe's parents and siblings, all of their friends. Beca stopped listening to their attempts at words of comfort after just a few minutes.

Chloe cried from the moment they drove up to the funeral home. She continued while everyone offered their sympathies. She continued during the drive to the church. Beca didn't consider that she should do anything to comfort her wife, because she wasn't paying any attention. She was completely dry eyed as she walked into the church.

Not that she wasn't emotional. She had been aghast and devastated when she'd seen the impossibly tiny coffin that morning. It was the worst thing she had ever seen in her life. Now that devastation had simmered to anger – that such a thing needed to exist. Needed to be used in her world. She was fuming as she sat in the pew between Chloe and Stacie and listened to the reverend. He was nice enough – but he had never met their baby. Only Beca had. So the things he was saying didn't make sense to her – how did he know that she had been so wanted, that she would be remembered forever, that her life was too short? Beca wanted to scoff at that. She hadn't had a life. She'd never breathed air – she'd died before she'd really begun.

She only realized that her anger was manifesting itself physically when Stacie reached over and took her hand, unclenching her fingers from a tight fist. The funeral only lasted for a few minutes – they hadn't wanted anything lavish. Beca hadn't been sure she'd wanted anything at all, but even in her haze, she knew it wasn't just about her. Chloe shook next to her, trying desperately to hold back tears.

Warren and Sheila planned to stay up to a week after the funeral, while Emily and Benji had to go back later the same day. Everyone else was local. Beca absently hugged Emily and nodded when the taller brunette fed her polite platitudes that were, coming from Emily, entirely sincere. If Beca had been paying attention, she would have immediately seen that Emily was in pain. But, she was wrapped up in her own mind and barely noticed when the Applebaums disappeared.

The next two days were still full of numbness. When sensations did finally start to return to her, Beca was almost blinded by anger. Her first victim was her dad. He had – not impolitely – suggested that she try to do something other than nap. He'd even offered suggestions that she normally liked – a trip to the music store, a walk, a game of scrabble.

"Leave me alone," she growled.

"Bec, I'm just trying to help. You need to deal with this and keep moving forward."

"I don't want your help!" Beca cried. "I don't want to talk about it – I don't want to move past it – I just really need everyone to leave me alone!" She shouted, standing up quickly. It caused her pain - and upended the contents of the table next to her chair. A lamp crashed to the floor and Chloe came running from the kitchen.

Her expression was pinched as she took in the situation. She let out a deep breath. "Are you okay?" She looked at Warren and Sheila, who nodded. Beca shook her head.

"For fuck's sake, of course not," she seethed.

"Beca," Chloe scolded. She crossed the room and stood close to her, keeping her voice low so her words were private. "I know you are in pain. But this stops. Vulgarity and shouting in our home, with our daughters here? No. It stops now."

"Seriously?" Beca asked, her voice dangerously low and her eyes burning with anger. "Then maybe I need to go."

"Excuse me?" Chloe demanded. "No," she said, shaking her head, eyes growing wild with her own pent-up anger and heartache. Beca tried to walk towards the door and Chloe physically blocked her. Both women stared at one another in challenge.

"I need to talk away," Beca said in almost a growl. "Before I say anything else I might regret later. I'm sorry. But I need space."

"Where are you going?" Chloe asked, before moving. Beca wasn't cleared to drive again – and her keys- unbeknownst to her – had been well hidden when she'd started zoning out on the day of the funeral. She wouldn't call Jesse because Aubrey would then be involved – and Stacie was working.

"For a walk," She said sharply. "Since I'm apparently stripped of my driving privileges." So, she did know her keys were gone.

"Please take your phone and please be careful," Chloe said calmly, her voice still tense. She stepped aside and Beca brushed past, grabbing a light jacket and her shoes from the front closet. She slammed the door on her way out, causing Chloe to grit her teeth and tense her posture. She moved towards the broken lamp just as a cry sounded from the playroom. She closed her eyes. She was exhausted.

Sheila was at her side in a minute. "Honey, take a minute. I'll look in on the kids and Warren will get the lamp." Chloe nodded her appreciation and practically ran from the room to go to her bedroom.

Sheila checked on her granddaughters, who were fine – Bella was just a bit miffed about a toy she felt Poppy had taken from her. Grandma smoothed over the situation and engaged them in another activity – foam building blocks that all three of the girls loved.

Warren cleaned up the lamp and made sure there were no remaining glass fragments. Then he hesitantly moved toward the room his daughter shared with her wife. He knocked and Chloe told him to come in. She had changed into black capri yoga pants and a black and teal flowered tank in a breathable active-wear fabric. She was pulling her hair into a bun.

"What can I do?" He asked gently. Chloe almost lost it at the kind and sincere offer, but bit back her tears and wiped away the few that had already leaked. She smiled at him and shook her head. "I just really appreciate you both being here. The kids are so happy to see you. And it's better for them – to have people around who aren't – " She shrugged.

"Angry and heartbroken," he supplied. He and Sheila were, of course, heartbroken for their two women, but it wasn't the same.

"I guess so," Chloe replied, her head moving in a motion that was both a nod and a headshake, an indication that she agreed with him but didn't like it. At all. "I'm sorry to just take advantage – but if you two don't mind watching the kids – "

"You don't have to be sorry. We're here to help. Take a break," Warren urged. "Are you going for a run?"

Chloe nodded. "I'm not following her. I know where she walks. I'll avoid it."

"You're a grown woman. You can do whatever you want."

Chloe ran five miles through the neighborhood, around the park. She avoided the streets and walking paths Beca usually took. By the time she got home, her physical exhaustion matched her emotional state. But the endorphins had helped – and her anger and sorry had dissipated by the time she reached the master bathroom.

Chloe showered, changed, and went to the kitchen to find Sheila making dinner. "Thank you," Chloe said. "You don't have to do that. I can take over –"

"I'm fine," Sheila assured her. "Why don't you go spend some time with the girls? They've been asking after you both."

"Beca?"

"She's home," Sheila assured Chloe. "I think she's in her studio. I'll check on her after dinner is in the oven."

Sheila did find Beca half an hour later. The small brunette wasn't in her studio. She was in one of the third floor guest bedrooms, curled on her side, staring into space. Sheila considered leaving her alone, but the sadness in Chloe she had seen earlier flashed in her mind. She knocked on the door frame. When Beca didn't answer, she entered anyway and sat on the far edge of the bed, looking down at her stepdaughter.

Beca had clearly been crying.

"I know that nothing makes it better. Time helps. But you have to hang on while time works it's magic."

Beca closed her eyes. "You don't understand."

"I do," Sheila said, her voice full of meaning. "I really do, sweetheart. I know how much heartbreak you're facing right now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone." Sheila lay on the bed next to Beca, staring up at the ceiling. "I know your first instinct is to shut people out, but that's not the way to heal. It's no way to live. Your girls need you. Chloe needs you. I know that's not fair, but it's true."

There was silence for several minutes. "What happened?" Beca asked, finally. Sheila knew exactly what she was referring to. As silence washing over them again, Beca seemed to realize she might be wrong to ask. "I'm sorry. You don't have to –"

"It's okay," Sheila assured her, turning to her side so they were face to face. "I wouldn't have told you if I wasn't willing to talk about it. It just takes a minute to gather up the courage, you know?" Beca nodded and Sheila sighed. "Well, the first four times it happened, I was with my first husband."

"Four times?" Beca asked, aghast.

Sheila nodded and smiled sadly. "I didn't give up easily. Two were before I realized I was pregnant. Two were toward the end of my first trimester. It was devastating. I was a new wife – the next step was supposed to be kids. And I wanted them. Badly. But although I could get pregnant, I couldn't seem to carry any to term. I saw a doctor after your father and I got together. I was still young enough. Barely, but still. I thought it was probably my last chance. We tried twice."

"I'm so sorry," Beca said softly.

"Me too," Sheila responded with a sad, resigned smile. "But when I focus on it too much, I try to remind myself of the amazing things I do have. Including you – and those three beautiful girls. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you let me be grandma."

"I don't let you do anything," Beca told her. "You are their grandma. And a good one," she said softly. Silence stretched between them for several minutes. "I'm sorry – about before."

"You're allowed to be angry."

"I think I need to figure out a better way."

"We're here to help if we can."

Beca surprised them both by leaning into Sheila. The older woman pulled her arm around the younger. "You always were too nice to me," Beca said, her voice slightly muffled by her position. Sheila laughed and hugged her tighter.

After the girls were in bed, Chloe went into her bathroom to prepare for bed. She stepped out of the bathroom, teeth and face clean and dressed in her pajamas, to find Beca sitting on the edge of the bed, looking quite sad and lost. She looked up when she heard her wife, and tears streamed to her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said, softly. "I shouldn't have treated you that way. I know you're going through this too."

Chloe sat next to her. "I know you're in pain. I am too. We need to work together. You pushing me away isn't getting us anywhere."

"I know," Beca whispered. "I just don't know how to deal with this. I have never felt this - lost - before."

"I think we need to go back to see Molly, at least for awhile," Chloe suggested, naming the therapist they'd seen early on in their relationship.

"I don't think our sex life is the problem right now," Beca said, attempting to tease. It fell flat but Chloe knew what she was going for.

"I'm sure she sees people for more than sex therapy," Chloe responded with a smile. "Can we call her?" Beca nodded.

They called in the morning and she was able to fit them in that afternoon. It wasn't a magic bullet and they both still grappled with pain. But the good days started to appear – and eventually outweighed the bad days until life almost felt normal again.

* * *

Two months after the miscarriage, Stacie knocked on the frame of the open nursery room door and Beca looked up, shifting Vera from one breast to the other. She looked back down at her daughter, not acknowledging her friend's presence. The taller brunette pulled a chair closer to Beca and sat, looking around the beautiful, peaceful nursery.

"Still doing that?" Stacie asked.

"Not for much longer," Beca admitted. Silence enveloped them then. Stacie had been with them that morning for Sunday brunch. Beca thought she had left. "What are you still doing here?" Beca finally asked, after silence had become too big a burden.

"I came back. I need your help," she said softly. "I know this isn't a great time, but we have a problem." Beca looked at her, curiously. "I just got off the phone with Benji. Emily has informed him that they're not having children. He's worried about her in general – but this has him panicked."

Beca bit her lip and sighed as she released it. "I can't really deal with this right now."

"I know you don't want to," Stacie acknowledged. "But I need you to. Emily needs you to. And you're eventually going to be pissed if you don't stop the pity party long enough to help one of your best friends who is terrified right now."

Beca shook her head and her face crumpled. "How am I supposed to help? Right now, I think staying un-pregnant is a great idea! Because the alternative - if it leads to this," she said, motioning to her stomach, "is a nightmare."

"But you have three amazing reasons that prove it's worth the risk."

Beca practically growled with frustration. "Dude, why don't you talk to her? I'm sure you have all of the statistics and doctor explanations. Emily likes facts. Hit her with those."

"She doesn't listen to me like she listens to you," Stacie told Beca. "She doesn't pay attention to anyone as much as she does to you. The only person she might love more is Benji – even that's debatable. She needs to hear it from you – that it eventually will be okay again."

Beca pressed her lips into a firm line and leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling as she considered her options. She hissed as Vera stopped eating and started playing, biting Beca in the process. Beca reached down, slid her finger into Vera's mouth to keep her jaw open, and removed her breast. "When did you turn into a little monster?" Beca asked. She peered at the bite.

"Shit," she muttered.

Stacie smiled. "She might be getting a cold. They do that when they're stuffy."

"This is my third," Beca answered. "I'm aware." She fixed her t-shirt and flannel and replaced Vera in her crib, kissing her gently before laying her down.

Beca walked into her own bedroom and found Chloe putting laundry away. The redhead looked up, smiling. "What's up?"

Beca took a deep breath and moved closer to her wife. "I need to fly to Georgia. Just for a day or two. Can you spare me this weekend? Not that I've been all that helpful," she said, barely joking.

Chloe looked concerned. "Why now? You're just starting to get back on your feet. We're just starting to recover."

Beca nodded and gazed at her wife. "Emily," she said simply. "I need to talk to Emily. She told Benji she doesn't want kids."

"Oh," Chloe said softly.

"Yeah," Beca responded. "Anyway. I was thinking of taking Vera. If that's okay with you?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea? With that kind of conversation? Maybe that's too much for you or Emily."

"She's the ultimate prop," Beca said with a sigh. "And, you know, a totally awesome kid."

Chloe leaned forward and kissed her. "Don't be gone long."

"I won't be," Beca promised.

Emily was surprised, to say the least, when Beca appeared at her doorstep with an overnight bag and a toddler. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" She took Vera from Beca and ushered her inside.

"We're fine," Beca promised. "Just decided to drop in."

Emily looked at her incredulously. "Across the country?"

Beca shrugged. "I have a lot of money. Are you going to offer me coffee?"

Emily looked bewildered and slightly suspicious but moved into the kitchen. Beca followed, taking back the baby while Emily prepared coffee. Once it was sitting in front of them and Vera was playing happily on a blanket on the floor beside them, Beca turned concerned eyes on Emily.

The younger woman swallowed and her eyes darted away. "Em, look at me." She did, reluctantly. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"You told Benji no kids?"

"He shouldn't have bothered you with that."

"He didn't," she answered. "The grapevine is alive and well. And I'm sure he only told someone because he needed to process."

Emily looked Beca straight in the eye. "We can stop beating around the bush. Benji told Stacie, who told you. And you don't need to be worried about this right now."

"I always have time to worry about you, Legacy. You were the first person I worried about unconditionally," she teased. "You were a great training ground for these loves," she said, looking down at Vera. "Em, talk to me."

Emily shrugged. "It's fine. I mean, I'm going to be really busy anyway. I have to publish a certain amount to get tenure. And I'll have classes to teach. And Benji seems happy with the way things are."

"You always wanted kids." Beca raised an eyebrow at her. "You have names picked out."

"I can't go through what you did," Emily responded, her eyes tearing up. "I feel really selfish even talking to you about this. I know it's awful and selfish to think that way. But I can't do it. I don't understand how you're even sitting here right now – listening to me being a brat – when you just lost so much."

Beca hugged her and then pulled away, her hand staying in place to rub circles against Emily's back. "Oh, honey. You're not a brat. Being there to witness a late-term miscarriage a few weeks after you stopped taking the pill," she said, adding in the small but important detail Benji had shared. "That's terrible timing. And I'm sorry it happened that way. But Emily, you can't keep yourself from staring a family because you're scared."

She moved and plopped Vera unceremoniously into Emily's lap. The little girl squealed with delight. She immediately reached for the long string of beads Emily wore – and her little fist wrapped around them. She grinned happily up at Emily, who couldn't help but smile back. "That's why you risk it," Beca told her softly. "This loss hurts like a bitch. Hurts more than anything I've ever experienced before. But I wouldn't trade it away for anything. Because it was worth the risk. Seeing those little eyes staring up at you every day, needing you to help navigate this crazy world, it makes it all okay again."

"Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"Eventually, I will be," Beca responded.


	3. I'll Be There

This is the end of this particular story - but I have a few other drafts and ideas rattling around for this universe. Let me know if you're interested. This story gives you a glimpse into the Bechloe home life. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3 – I'll be there

" _It's a long long way to go now/ I'll be there if you call_ "

~Lions & Tigers by Sleater-Kinney

Beca called Stacie as she drove home from work. She hadn't seen her friend in over a week. Between Beca's ridiculous schedule while finishing an album and Stacie's patient load, they had been unable to get together. "How's it going?" Beca asked, utilizing the hands-free feature in her car.

"I'm exhausted," Stacie said with a tired sigh. "I delivered four babies yesterday. Four! Do you know how much work that is?"

"I'm thinking it was more work for the four mothers," Beca said dryly.

"Sometimes I wonder," Stacie told her. "This is crazy. I need to get away before I start throwing things at pregnant ladies."

Beca chuckled. "Can you take a few days off?"

Stacie sighed again. "I'm going to. I have scheduled off at the end of next week and the beginning of the following."

"You deserve it. Any plans?"

"I was hoping for somewhere tropical – but I'm heading to Georgia for a few days. I might pop over to the beach for a few days after - before I come back here."

"What's going on? Why Georgia? Is something wrong?"

"Why do you assume something is wrong?"

"You don't go back to Barden more than alumni weekend – and whenever Emily invites you. What's going on?"

"Em did invite me out," Stacie responded. "Has she called you this week?"

"No," Beca responded. "But she's been weird – returning texts half a day later and not picking up when I call. Is she avoiding me?"

"Possibly. She's pregnant. She's really nervous about it. I told her you would be happy for her. But as we've discussed in the past, she doesn't listen to me. I'm glad I wasn't responsible for keeping her alive when she was a Freshman. She probably would have died just to spite me." Beca smiled and shook her head.

"What are you going out for? You're not taking your practice on the road, are you?"

"No," Stacie laughed. "No. Cross continental flights for all prenatal appointments? Not going to happen. Not even for Emily. But I did tell her I would go with her to meet with a few different doctors. She doesn't know what to ask and she's nervous about it."

"That was nice of you," Beca told her.

"She's worried – especially without her mom." They spoke for another few minutes and made plans to get together when Stacie returned from her trip.

Beca smiled as she walked in the kitchen door of her home and set her bag on the small side table against the wall. She toed off her boots and closed the door behind her. The sound was enough to initiate the scampering of small feet from two directions. Poppy reached her first from the back stairs. "Hi, Mama!" She cried, throwing herself at Beca. The small brunette knelt down to her level and hugged her close.

"Hey, Poppy." She looked at Vera, who was attempting to sneak in through the dining room to jump out and scare them. When she saw Beca watching her and realized that she was completely caught, she giggled and ran to hug her mama. "Vera," she said, hugging her back and dropping a kiss on her loose red curls. "How are you girls today?" She saw Bella from the corner of her eye, leaning around the back stairwell landing and watching. Beca winked at her over Vera's head.

"Good!" Poppy told her. "Mommy said we can go to the zoo on Saturday because we got good report cards."

"Really?" Beca asked, as though this was news Chloe hadn't texted her already. "Awesome. Good job, loves. Can I see them?" Poppy ran away to find her report card and Vera was close behind. Beca walked over to the stairs and climbed to the landing, sitting on it, back against the wall. Bella sat next to her and snuggled into her side. "Hi, Bells," she said as she gently stroked her dark curls.

"Hi, Mama."

"How was your day?" Bella shrugged. "That's not much of an answer," Beca objected.

"It was fine," the nine-year-old said with all the sullenness of a teenager. Beca rubbed her back and continued snuggling with her until the door swung back open and Poppy appeared with her report card. Bella disappeared back up the stairs before Beca could stop her.

The brunette mother turned to face the kitchen again and smiled as the two redheads approached her with the pieces of heavy cardstock. She looked over Poppy's and smiled – the only negative the teacher had indicated was Poppy's continued chattiness. They would talk to her about it later – after she was rewarded for the excellent grants – straight As and Os. Beca praised Poppy and gave her another hug and kiss. Vera plopped into Beca's lap as she handed hers over. Another set of straight As and Os – but this one with a check mark indicating that the teacher wanted to talk to them. Beca knew that already – she and Chloe had received an email earlier that morning.

"Fantastic job, Vera. I am so proud of all of you."

"Bella got a B," Poppy said, her tone indicating that she knew damn well she was tattling.

Beca looked at her coolly. "Is it your place to tell me that?"

"No," Poppy said glumly.

"There's nothing wrong with a B, either," Beca told her. "And I hope you didn't tell Bella there was." Poppy scrunched her nose in a way that her mother knew well. She had very much indicated to her sister that her performance was lacking. Beca kissed her. "We'll talk about this later," she promised. "You did a great job, Poppy."

"She did," a cheerful voice said from behind her. Beca looked up to see Chloe coming down the stairs. "They all did." She leaned down and the two women kissed before Chloe continued walking down into the kitchen. "I promised we would have pizza to celebrate."

"Sounds great," Beca said with a smile. "I'm never against pizza."

"It's on the way," Chloe promised her. "Girls, can you set the table?"

"Bella doesn't have to," Poppy pouted.

"I didn't ask Bella," Chloe told her firmly, raising an eyebrow. "I asked you." Poppy sulked but moved to do as she was asked; Vera was already pulling plates from the correct cabinet with the aid of a step stool. She handed them down to Poppy.

Chloe sat on the stairs next to Beca. "You saw Bells?"

Beca nodded. "She seems upset. You think it's just the report card thing?"

"Not sure," Chloe responded. "She won't talk to me."

"I'll try after dinner," Beca promised. "What did she get a B in?"

"It's a D," Chloe corrected her. "In reading comprehension."

"What?" Beca almost spat. "She's been reading fluently since she was three."

"Yeah," Chloe said with a soft sigh. "I called Angela," she said, referring to the twins' teacher. "She can meet with us at 3:30 tomorrow. Can you make it?"

"I'll move things around so I can," Beca assured her. She pulled out her phone and texted her assistant and waited for the desired response before shoving it back into her pocket. "What about Vera? Do you know what Genevieve wants?"

"To skip her a year," Chloe said. "She's already bored. She's getting restless."

"She's so little – even for her own age."

"We can talk about it tomorrow. 4:15 – the headmistress and school psychologist will be there."

"Why do I feel like we're in trouble?" Beca asked, making a pained expression. "I didn't get called to the principal's office this much when I was in school. And I had a bad attitude." Chloe smiled and patted her knee.

"It'll be fine. No one can give you detention anymore, I promise." She stood and smiled at her wife. "I'm going to make a salad."

Beca made a face, shook her head, and threw up a hand. "There you go, ruining pizza night with something healthy." Chloe laughed and Beca kissed her once more before pulling away and heading up the stairs to their bedroom. She washed her hands and face and changed into a soft pair of old jeans, t-shirt, and one of her favorite red and black flannels.

Dinner was a lively affair with Vera and Poppy chatting excitedly about what their days had been. Bella picked at her food and said almost nothing, adding in words only when prompted by one of her mothers. Once they were finished, Chloe asked Poppy and Vera to help her with the dishes and Beca motioned for Bella to follow her.

"We're going for a walk."

"I don't want to," Bella said stubbornly.

"I didn't ask," Beca responded. She opened the front closet in the foyer and slipped into a pair of flats. Bella sighed as her mother kicked a pair of tennis shoes her way. She put them on and followed Beca out the front door.

They walked toward the neighborhood park in relative silence. After a few moments, Beca realized that her daughter was crying. She moved closer and put an arm around the little girl. They walked the rest of the way to the park and Beca found a bench and guided Bella to it. She knelt in front of the little girl and grasped her hands. "Love, what's going on?"

Bella shook her head as she wiped away tears. "Nothing."

"Those are big tears for nothing," Beca said softly. "Are you upset about your report card?"

Bella nodded as she sobbed. "I'm sorry." Beca moved up to the bench and hugged her tightly.

"Oh, love, it's okay. We'll fix it. What happened? Do you know? Were you having trouble with something?"

Bella's voice stuttered several times and she had a few false starts before she calmed down enough to talk. "I keep getting things marked wrong on my reading quizzes. But they're not wrong. But Mrs. Weston won't listen."

Beca rubbed soft circles against her back. "It's okay, love. We're figure out what's happening. She and Chloe spent extra time with Bella that night before bed, making sure she understood that – while grades were important – they weren't everything.

Despite her exhaustion, once all three girls were in bed, Beca went to her studio, sat down at her desk, and opened her MacBook. She texted Emily. _I'm sending you a FaceTime invite. Answer. Benji already told me you were home_. She then opened the program and dialed. After a moment, she was presented with a live feed of Emily, gazing down into her phone. From the background details, Beca could tell that Emily was in the kitchen and the phone was propped up against something on the counter while she cooked.

"Hey," Emily said nonchalantly.

Beca raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Hi, Emily. You haven't been returning my phone calls."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I've been so busy at school – and I just keep getting distracted. I can't wait until I make tenure next month." She hadn't yet looked into the camera. Instead, her eyes were focused on whatever she was cutting. Beca could hear the knife against the glass cutting board.

"I'm sure that will be a relief," Beca responded. She paused and frowned.

"Em, what are you making at 11 at night?"

"Dinner for tomorrow," Emily answered. "I have a faculty meeting and I'm not going to get home until like 7. And we'll both be starving if I wait until tomorrow to put this together."

"You highly underestimate the power of ordering in," Beca told her.

Emily shrugged. "I don't mind doing it." Her eyes were still locked on what she was doing. She had barely glanced at the screen once.

"Emily, look at me, please." The younger woman froze at the request, a hand coming up to tug at the hair flowing over her shoulder. "Em," she said softly. "Please."

Emily looked at the camera and Beca could see the absolute panic in her eyes. Beca smiled gently at Emily, who immediately folded. "Stacie told you."

She nodded. "Stacie did. I'm so happy for you, Em. Congratulations." Beca smiled and spoke softly. "My question is – why didn't you tell me?"

Emily looked guiltily away from the screen. "Hey," Beca said, snapping her fingers. Emily looked back quickly, eyes wide. "This needs to stop," Beca told her firmly. "Honey, it was six years ago. I am not fragile – and I won't be treated like I am. What happened was awful – but I'm moving on. I've moved on. And I don't want to be cut out of your life – or a very important event in your life – because you think it will make me sad."

And then Emily started crying. "Oh shit," Beca muttered. "Em, don't cry. Please."

I'm so sorry," she said, sobbing. "I wanted to tell you. But I was worried it would make you feel bad – or be sad. And then after I didn't tell you, I was worried about you finding out that I didn't tell you."

"Emily, honey, slow down," Beca said softly. "Get a glass of water and sit down for a minute." Emily did, taking the phone with her to the breakfast nook in the corner of her kitchen. She wiped at her eyes as she fought against more tears.

"I'm so scared," she sobbed, covering her eyes.

Beca's heart broke – and she regretted not jumping on a plane. It wasn't responsible and would have thrown off the rest of the family for at least a few days, but she would give just about anything to not be having this conversation over electronic devices. "I know, honey. But it's going to be good. It's going to be great. You're going to be an amazing mom."

"You have to say that," she cried.

"No, I don't," Beca assured her. "I personally worry about Amy's and Bumper's children. I can't imagine what that household looks like on a daily basis. And I kind of think Donald can be a jackass – Katie is lucky she has Jessica to buffer that. I'm willing to admit when my friends are a little worrisome in the parenting department. You are not," she assured her. "You're going to be the best mom."

Emily's crying slowed down and eventually stopped. Once she was able, she picked up the conversation. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

"You don't need to apologize," Beca said. "How far along are you? How are you feeling?"

"I think – like thirteen weeks," Emily said, "And I don't know how you did this three times. I can't eat anything. We had to stop eating meat because I can't even stand to smell it being cooked."

"Yeah, that part can suck," Beca agreed. "I was pretty lucky. I just got nauseous. I didn't actually throw up very often. And it was over by the middle of my second trimester."

Emily sniffled. "I called my mom's best friend. She told me a little bit about when my mom was pregnant with me. She had really bad morning sickness."

"It's good to have something to compare it to, sometimes," Beca told her. "But you might be different. When Stacie comes, ask her about it. And whichever doctor you end up picking."

"I don't like the way they do it. You have to see every doctor in the practice. Because you're not guaranteed your own doctor will be on call when you go into labor. I don't want a strange doctor looking down there."

"You won't care once you get to the day of," Beca promised. "But there are options. Talk to Stacie."

"I wish I lived out there," Emily said wistfully.

"You can always come out here," Beca reminded her. "But don't do it just for Stacie as your doctor. She's a pain in the ass sometimes." Emily giggled. "When is spring break?" Before they ended the conversation, Beca had planned to visit on Emily's spring break and Emily had promised she would stop trying to keep things from Beca.

* * *

Seven months later, the heels of Beca's boots clicked in a steady rhythm as she walked down a polished hallway, toward the maternity ward at Emory. Her flight had landed less than an hour before and she had made excellent time arriving at the hospital – but she was still later than she wanted to be. Benji hadn't called until Emily had been in labor for several hours, delaying Beca's departure from California. As she opened the doors to the ward, she saw Benji sitting in a chair in the hallway, looking absolutely distraught and lost.

"Hey, Benji," she said calmly, slowing to a stop in front of him. "You okay? What are you doing out here?"

"She asked me to leave," he told her, looking to the door behind him.

Beca smiled sympathetically. "It happens," she assured him. "It's just the hormones and the pain – don't worry – it won't last." She patted him on the shoulder. "I'm going to go in – I'll see what I can do about getting you back in there." He nodded gratefully and she entered the room, knocking on the open doorway. Emily was in bed, her face flushed with heat, her hair slick with sweat. A nurse was standing next to her, trying to offer words of comfort – but she was clearly in distress.

"Beca?"

"Hey, Em," She said, walking into the room. "Sorry it took so long – I got the first flight out that I could – "

"It's okay," Emily said dryly. "Apparently the baby is planning to stay in there forever," she spat. Beca looked at the nurse for clarification and the woman smiled sympathetically.

"Emily was almost dilated to the point of pushing – but she's contracted again, so she's only at four centimeters. She's feeling a little impatient."

"I am not impatient! I am tired and in pain and I've been here for way too long!" Beca was sympathetic – she knew the younger woman had been in labor for at least 12 hours. She herself had never gone through that – all three of her children had been delivered by caesarian section – the twins by emergency, Vera planned.

"Shhh," Beca said calmly. "It's going to be fine. I need you to take a deep breath – and just try to relax."

"How in the hell – "

"Emily," Beca cut in calmly, but forcefully. "Stop. Take a deep breath." The nurse left them alone and Beca led the younger woman through several breathing exercises they had perfected over years of acapella practices. She was calmer – until another contraction hit. Beca grasped both of her hands and spoke softly but firmly. She saw what Emily was doing. "Do not push. Emily, no pushing. Try to keep breathing." She talked her through the contraction and when it was over, Emily collapsed exhaustedly against the bed.

"I'm so tired," she said in a small voice.

"I know, sweetie. I know," Beca said softly. She pushed a piece of sweat-soaked hair from Emily's brow. "Just try to stay calm for me – it's going to be fine. In a few hours, you're going to have a beautiful baby boy – and it will all be worth it."

"I wish my mom was here," she said, her eyes glistening with tears.

"She's watching," Beca promised. "I know that she is so proud of you, Em." Katherine Junk had died, young, during Emily's senior year of college- just six weeks after she'd returned from Europe. It had been a devastating blow for the excitable young woman – and she had lost a bit of her sparkle, even after recovering. Beca thought that was probably one of the reasons why they had waited as long as they had to start a family – Emily was terrified to do it without her own mom to support her. Another contraction hit and Beca held her hands and spoke to her softly, reminding her to breath. Once it was over, Emily collapsed again and the older brunette helped her roll to her side and began rubbing her lower back, using her knuckles on key pressure points.

"Is that where it hurts?" Emily nodded, tears spilling from her eyes. Beca kept kneading the aching muscles. "I'm not as good at this as Chloe."

"It helps," Emily whispered. Beca continued over the next few contractions and the nurse returned, smiling positively at Emily. Once the contraction was over, she asked Emily if she could check her dilation. Emily agreed with extreme reluctance, biting her lip and blinking back tears as the woman worked. The nurse cheerfully lifted the blankets and did what she needed to do, removing her gloves and throwing them away before going on to check Emily's vitals and the baby monitor affixed to her stomach.

Once the nurse announced that she was dilated six centimeters, she again left Emily alone with Beca. It didn't help that Emily practically growled at her. They had a few more minutes until the next contraction and Beca was trying to figure out how to make her friend more comfortable.

"Why don't I braid your hair out of the way?" She offered, after slipping a sweat-soaked lock of Emily's hair behind her ear for the third time.

"It's sweaty and gross," Emily whined.

"Which is a great reason not to have it in your face," Beca said with a soft smile. She found a brush, comb, and several bobby pins in her bag. After cajoling Emily to sit up, she slid in behind her and began working. She had just pinned the end of the braid inside a wreath of loose braids when another contraction hit. She held Emily, calmly reminding her to slow her breathing.

After it was over, Beca slid out from behind Emily and helped her lie back against the bed. "Em, can Benji come back in?" She asked.

"He's still here?"

"Of course he's still here," she said, frowning. "Where would he go?"

"I yelled at him. I was really mean."

"He understands you didn't mean it," Beca assured her. "I'll go get him for you, okay?" Emily nodded and Beca stood, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

"Don't leave."

"I'm coming right back," Beca promised. She had been in the room for over an hour and when she returned to the hall – Jesse was with Benji, trying to distract his old friend.

Beca smiled lightly. "Benji, why don't you go back in? She's not only forgiven you – she's apologetic. You might want to capitalize on that while you can." Benji thanked her, smiled awkwardly, and walked back into the room. Beca dropped into the chair next to Jesse. She sighed, exhausted.

"Ok, I know the whole thing with the twins was kind of scary. Detached placenta and all. But I'm kind of glad I didn't have to go through all this labor crap."

"You got to be unconscious for most of the scary parts of the twins' birth," Jesse reminded her. "Best friend bleeding on a church altar? Stacie was kneeling in your blood. Your silver shoes - No. No. That was not an okay day."

"I turned out to be a pretty amazing day," Beca reminded him.

"I could have done without the worrying for your life part," he informed her.

"You're kind of a wimp," she teased. He laughed and looked back at the door.

"Benji is so excited. He's beside himself."

"Benji is just about always beside himself," Beca joked. "But yeah, he's going to be a good dad. I'm glad Emily has him. She's doing this without her mom – I know she's worried about that."

"You did it without your mom," Jesse reminded her.

Beca shrugged. "I was never close to my mom. Emily adored Katherine. There's a big difference there. And besides, I had Chloe's mom telling me what to do every day. It was wonderful," she said in mock cheer.

Jesse chuckled. "You don't hear from them much anymore, do you?"

Beca shrugged. "She wasn't too thrilled with me after I told her to fuck off at Christmas time when she and Ben came to visit. But she still talks to the girls every week – and Chloe a few times a week. And it's not like she blatantly ignores me, she just doesn't call me directly. Ben does, occasionally. I think he was amused when I told her to fuck off. I can just see that he's wanted to say it for years. It's in his eyes."

Jesse laughed. "You are a lucky woman, that Chloe didn't hold that against you."

Beca shrugged again. "She was given fair warning – Chloe even asked her to back off. Bella was having a panic attack and Lydia wouldn't leave her be. She kept ordering her to settle down – while I was trying to get Bella out of the room and somewhere private so she could have the time and space to calm down. Lydia was yelling at my child and refused to move – she was standing in between us – so, hence the order to "fuck off."

Jesse nodded. "I can see that being a justified pissing off of the mother-in-law."

Beca sighed. "I might have to eat crow and apologize eventually. If she tries to skip out on coming out this year, I'll suck it up and pretend to be sorry. But seriously? Who tries to rationalize with a ten-year-old having a panic attack?"

"Someone who has never seen a ten-year-old have a panic attack."

Their conversation ended when Benji yelled from the room. "Guys!" Benji called. "Beca!" Beca stood quickly and went back into the room, Jesse following hesitantly. Emily was sobbing.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

"Well, Legacy," Beca said calmly. "This is not something you can quit. The baby has to come out."

Emily shook her head. "No. I don't want to do this anymore."

"Yeah," Beca said shortly. "Still not how this works. Where are your drugs? Shouldn't they have given those to you?"

"I didn't want a needle in my spine," Emily explained.

"Okay," Beca said. "But I know there are other options. Nitrous Oxide." She pressed the nurse's call button and the woman appeared a moment later, smiling. "What are the pain relief options?" Beca asked.

"An epidural is still an option."

"No," Emily said, tears beginning.

"Other options?" Beca asked.

"Nitrous oxide can take off the edge," the nurse offered.

"Let's try that," Beca suggested. "Any side effects?"

"Sometimes nausea," the nurse said. "But no effect on the baby."

"I've been nauseous for the past nine months," Emily told her. "What's a few more minutes?"

"I'll bring it in," the woman said. "I'll be right back. The doctor should be by to check on you in the next twenty minutes." Before long, Emily was set up with a mask that allowed her to have the nitrous oxide when she wanted it. She liked that she had the ability to control it – and only used it as she felt contractions starting. It did take off the edge and she calmed down considerably.

Within five hours of Beca's arrival, Emily was ready to push. Beca ordered Jesse out of the room. He walked over and carefully pressed a kiss to Emily's temple.

"You're almost there, Mama," he said. "See you soon."

Once he was gone, the nurse checked Emily. The younger woman seethed while the nurse was working. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she let out a small whimper. "Don't hold your breath, Emily," the nurse told her. "Almost done." She scooted back and replaced the blanket. "You're ready to go. I will tell the doctor – she should be here any minute."

Emily wiped away tears as she sat up against the pillows. Beca handed her a tissue. "I don't remember that hurting," she said. She had been checked for dilatation several times at the end of her first two pregnancies.

"Apparently I have a high cervix or some other crap like that. It hurts. It hurt so bad the first time, I almost jumped off the table. I bled for like three days – and it hurt to walk for the rest of that day. It sucked. Why do people do this?"

"You'll understand soon," Beca promised. "You're going to be fine."

The delivery, once the doctor arrived, moved quickly. Benji couldn't stop grinning, despite the fact that Emily threatened him quite thoroughly over that grin.

Her tune changed once her baby was laid on her chest. She sighed with relief and tears welled in her eyes.

"He's beautiful."

"He certainly is," Beca told her.

After a few moments, Emily felt another contraction. The nurse gently took the baby, promising to bring him right back, and the doctor helped her deliver the afterbirth.

Once she and the baby were both cleaned up a bit, she held him again. Emily's smile was impossibly large as she beamed down at her baby boy, bundled into a soft blue blanket. Benji stood beside her, his expression one of complete awe and his eyes wet with tears. "He's beautiful," Beca told them. She had motioned for Jesse to come back in and meet the newest member of the family.

"He's perfect," Emily whispered.

"That's a fine looking lad," Jesse said, gazing at him from over Beca's shoulder.

Beca leaned down to gently stroke the baby's cheek, then pressed a kiss to Emily's temple. "Excellent job," she told her. "We're going to give you some time," she said as she was pulling away. Emily's eyes widened.

"Don't go."

"We'll be in the waiting room," she said, holding up her phone. "Text me if you need anything and I'll come right back. But you guys should take some time to yourselves." Jesse gave Benji the thumbs up and followed Beca from the room and across the hall to the waiting area.

Beca sat in one of the chairs and reclined it, rolling to her side. "I'm so tired," she told him. Jesse had already been in Georgia for the movie he was scoring – so he hadn't had to travel far to join Emily and Benji when labor started. Beca had gotten on a plane after working a ten-hour day and then having dinner with her family, playing with the girls, and putting them to bed. She hadn't made up for it on the flight – and now she was starting to pay for it.

"What do you need? Food? Coffee?" Jesse asked.

"Sleep," Beca told him. She almost purred when he found a blanket and put it over her.

"Then sleep. Give me your phone – I'll wake you up if Emily needs something." She handed over the device and was out in minutes.

Two days later, on Saturday morning, Beca and Jesse helped the new little family pack up and head home. Warren and Sheila stopped by with lunch – and several casserole dishes for the freezer that would make quick meals in the coming days and weeks.

It was mid-afternoon when Chloe and Stacie arrived with the three Beale-Mitchell girls. The three little girls were thrilled to see Beca standing in the doorway. They all launched themselves at her. She laughed as she hugged them.

"Mommy said Aunt Emily had a baby," Poppy told her.

"She did," Beca assured her. "And if you're very careful, you can probably even hold him."

"Why is it a boy?" Bella asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Because about roughly half of the world is boys – someone has to have them," Beca responded, rolling her eyes at Chloe over her daughters' heads. Chloe was laughing.

"How come Aunt Emily's baby is a boy?" Poppy asked.

"You mean, why is Aunt Emily's baby a boy?" Beca asked, correcting her.

Poppy rolled her eyes then. "Why is Aunt Emily's baby a boy?"

"It has something to do with chromosomes in your genes," Beca said. "Ask Aunt Stacie."

"It has to do with your jeans?" Bella asked. "Mama, that doesn't sound right."

"Not those kinds of jeans, you weirdo," Beca replied. "Seriously, both of you, go find Aunt Stacie. Ask her. She's upstairs." The twins ran for the stairs. It must have been quite the conversation, because they were gone for fifteen minutes. When they returned, Stacie was with them – and the other adults could tell that she was still delighted at whatever conversation had conspired.

"You didn't say genes was a homophone," Bella told Beca.

"Well, I'll have to be clearer next time. Are you ready to go investigate the mysteries of DNA now?"

"No," Bella told her. "It sounds boring. But Aunt Stacie was really excited. So, she was funny."

"She's a funny lady," Beca agreed, smiling at her old friend. Bella was leaning over into Beca's lap now, getting closer to the baby in Chloe's arms. Beca stroked her hair. "Would you like to sit here so you can see Jake better?" Bella nodded and Beca got up, allowing her daughter to sit in her seat.

They allowed the twins to each hold him for a few minutes – until their tiny arms got tired or – in Vera's case – sitting still was just too hard.

Beca sat next to Emily on the sofa, watching Stacie hold the baby while the twins studied him from either side. They were intensely curious.

"How do you do it?" Emily asked.

"Do what?"

"How do you raise human beings. He's a human."

"He is," Beca said with an amused smile. "Figured that out, did you? It gets weirder, trust me. Bella was about three the first time I realized looking at her expressions were like looking in a mirror. They're real people, these kids."

"How do you not mess it up?"

"Oh, you will," Beca assured her. "No one is perfect, Legacy. But the important thing is to show up and try your best. To make sure the non-screw up moments outweigh the questionable ones."

"That's all?" Emily asked, watching her in amusement.

"It is as simple and convoluted as that, mama. You'll do just fine."

Thank you so much for reading! Please do leave a comment or review. It is much appreciated. I'm thinking about maybe posting another story in this universe – this one revolving around Beca and Chloe's beginnings as a couple. Let me know your thoughts on this story – and what you might like to see in the next. Thanks again for reading!


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